It's Not What Other People Do To You....

Helen and Versie--and a shadowy photographer. :)

Most of you reading this blog knew my Mema.  (Although there are a few faithful readers who only know her through these stories!)  I would guess there are very few other than family that knew Grandma Versie.  I can tell you that as much as I adored Mema--she felt the same way about her Momma!  As a matter of fact, the only time I ever saw Mema "loose it" was after Granny's funeral in 1996.

I am truly blessed that I had my Great-Grandmother Versie here with me until I was 23.  I feel like I really knew her for myself.  We used to smile and laugh about the little sayings she would have, but I find I'm saying them myself the older I get.  My favorite:  "It's not what other people do to you, it's what you do about it."  That one used to make me smile because you could take it two ways.  One would be the vindictive fun route.  The other one is what she actually meant.  You can't control what other people do, and you aren't responsible for their actions.  The only thing you have to answer for is your reaction.  So true!  And Versie lived this one out to the extreme.

Yesterday, I wrote about all of the Aery siblings.  Big family, right?  Especially by today's standards.  The really amazing thing is that Versie pretty much raised the kids on her own.  Cleo stuck around long enough to father all those beautiful faces, then left Versie while she was pregnant with the youngest, Kenneth.  He ran off to California with his new bride.  These days, folks have pretty much come to expect this sort of thing.  Back then--this was scandalous behavior!  Especially since Cleo was a Free Will Baptist Minister!

Versie and Kenneth--Downtown Tulsa

Chuck, the oldest, was off in the military.  Mema, being the second oldest, quit school and got a job to help Granny with the kids.  I mean, Versie was getting ready to have a baby!  How was she supposed to provide for her family of SIX kids??

Ok, so you may be thinking, "Amy, why in the world are you airing the family's dirty laundry?"  It's simple.  It isn't what Cleo did to Versie, it's what Versie did about it.  She set such an example of grace and forgiveness for the rest of us to follow.  Apparently,  Versie reported Cleo's little indiscretion to the authorities (see newspaper clipping below), and then it was never really discussed again.  Kenneth and Mema both told me that their mother refused to allow anyone to speak ill of their father.  She urged the children to forgive him.

Many years later, when Cleo lay dying, he asked for Versie.  He wouldn't have anything to do with his second wife.  He wanted Versie.  When she got the call, she went to him in California.  I don't know if I could have shown such grace to the man who left me with all those mouths to feed.  But Versie did.  The nurses said that Cleo preached sermons from his bed while he lay dying.  He made peace with God--and with Versie.  Why did she go to him?  Why did she let him "off the hook"?  Because she wasn't responsible for his behavior, but she was responsible for unforgiveness and bitterness she could have held in her heart.

I admit that there have been many times over the years that I have been frustrated with Mema.  It always seemed that people were using her, hurting her, backstabbing her--yet she would forgive them and take them back in like nothing had ever happened.  Looking back, she learned that from Versie.  They took the Lord's Prayer to heart--forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. 

Newspaper Clipping found in an old scrapbook in Mema's "No-no Closet"