Gotta Keep Singing....

Mema is on the left, holding the song-book.

Pretty much anyone that knew my Mema, or has spent any time with our family, probably knows how much she loved to sing.  According to family stories, she came by this trait honestly.  Grandma Versie taught all her kids to sing, and sing harmony.  Mema then taught all her kids.  The Aerys (and their derivatives) are a very musically talented family.  We have singers, songwriters, musicians of all types.  Of course, we also have the token "can only play the radio" types, but we love them anyway.

Front Row:  Mema, Gene, Wanna

Mema sang in churches and on local radio and television programs.  She was in a singing group with her pastor, Gene Winfrey and his wife Wanna.  Don't ask me who these other people are, because this photo WAY pre-dates me:

Papa was traveling around to different churches ministering, Mema was teaching Sunday School and singing in various places.  But, this was the 1950-60's.  When people in their church circles found out that Mema had been divorced, they were no longer allowed to minister in certain capacities.

But, the gifts and callings of God are without repentance.  And God knew about their past before He called them into the ministry.  So, Mema and Papa left the baptist church and joined the independent Free Full Gospel Fellowship.  It was this experience that drove Papa's decision that Glenwood Full Gospel Church would be non-denominational.  That we would accept anyone and give them an opportunity to work for the Lord. 

As they struck out on their own, first meeting in homes and then later acquiring a little store-front building at 5300 Charles Page Boulevard, the musicians Mema worked with were home-grown.   She started out singing with her brother, Kenneth, and his wife Carolyn.  Later on, she taught my mom and my aunt, Patti to sing harmony, and the Glenwood Trio was born.  More on this to come....

Kenneth, Carolyn and Mema...at the old church building at 

5300 Charles Page Blvd. in Tulsa

Sharon, Patti, Helen--My Mom, Aunt, and Mema--The Glenwood Trio

Baby Sister

Well, Reader, you have already met my Uncle John and my mother, Sharon.  While countless others looked to my Mema as a mother figure, she actually birthed only one more child:  my Aunt Patti.  My mother was four when Patti was born.   Mom and Patti have always been close, but when Patti was born--Mom wanted to run away from home. 

Aparently, when Mema was pregnant with Patti, she was sick all of the time.  She was in labor for twenty-one days, and then Patti was born with bronchitis, and they even thought she might have had diptheria.  I guess when Baby Sister finally got to come home from the hospital, she cried alot.  My mother, four years old, decided to gather up all of the pop bottles she could find.  She packed a bag, loaded the bottles up in her little red wagon, and started pulling it down the street.  Papa was sitting out on the porch, and seeing her, asked her where she was going.  She said she was going to the store.  She was going to sell her bottles and leave town, because the baby cried all the time and made her mommy sick.  Papa just shook his head and said "Can I come too?"  Momma told him he could, so they went to the store, sold the bottles, and spent the money on candy.  Papa told her that babies couldn't eat candy, so Momma decided to come home.  And, that was that. 

Mom and Patti have always been close.  I love the stories I've always heard about Momma locking Patti out of the house so that she couldn't track mud on the floor, and Mom tricking Patti into singing her to sleep at night.  They may pick at each other, but God help the person that tries to pick on one with the other around. 

I think Papa set the tone of their family future that day when he ran away with Momma.  He really listened to her, and gave credance to her feelings.  I think that is so important for children.  As irrational as we may think their feelings and fears are, they are absolutely real to them.  And, trust me, I have known children with more insight than most adults.  Children need to be taught to trust their feelings and given the confidence and opportunity to express themselves.  If they aren't given that chance, they learn that their feelings aren't important.  They stuff things down inside, and it makes them insecure. 

Some people think that children should be seen and not heard.  Hmm...  Then how are they ever supposed to work out their thoughts and learn to communicate them?  No, children should be taught the appropriate time and place to voice themselves. 

And then came Sharon....

Helen, Floyd, and Baby Sharon

Now it is time to tell off on my own mother a bit.  When she was little, my mom liked to eat dirt.  When Mema took her to the doctor, she told him about little Sharon's affinity for mud pies, and the doctor told Mema she was keeping her daughter too clean.  Can you imagine a doctor telling you that you keep your kid too clean?  Apparently there was mineral or something in the dirt that mom's body was craving, and so she ate the dirt.  The doctor's prescription:  Let her play in the dirt.  It won't hurt her, and she'll be stronger for it in the long run.  

So what lesson could I have possibly learned from this embarrassing little tale?  Don't worry, I have one.  I guess you can imagine that after Johnny was taken from her, Mema was pretty protective of my mother.  She probably already was a "hoverer" before, but loose one child, it will make you very sensitive to anything that may harm your second one.  But always protecting a child from anything "bad" isn't really protecting them at all.  It doesn't teach them to cope in the real world.  Just like keeping all the dirt and germs away from my mother wasn't letting her body build up antibodies to fight infection.  Because she was kept so clean, she was missing some key elements.  

Floyd, Helen, and Sharon

Don't get me wrong, Mema stayed protective.  She just learned to give her children (and grandchildren) room to grow.  She gave us boundaries and let us learn to make our own choices, and yes even mistakes, within those boundaries.  I think this made us stronger.  And it is how I know that we can go on without her now that she's gone.  She empowered us with all of the life lessons we need, and she gave us practice in using them.  That is what a good mother does! 

It was this philosophy that I adopted when it was time to enroll my own daughter in school.  Part of me wanted to find a nice, safe, private Christian school for her.  The other part of me knew that she needed to go to public school.  She needed to learn to function in a diverse world and still be able to make the right choices--what the Bible calls being "in the world, and not of the world."  Now, I will give you that I enrolled her in the school where I was working.  I was even her kindergarten teacher, but that was just one of the boundaries that I set for her.  The older she got, I backed off from watching over her day-to-day life at school.  And now, she is ready to head off to middle school.  I'm pretty sure I'm prepared--I know she is!

As parents, we have to find a balance between protecting our children from pitfalls of life and teaching them to make their own mistakes.  Some people go the other extreme from what Mema tried to do with Mom.  They give their children too much freedom and not enough boundaries.  They think they are doing their children a favor, making them happy by giving them everything they want.  It turns out these kids aren't happy at all, and they often find themselves in messes with no skills to get out.  Similarly, children that are over-protected never learn how to deal with difficulties of life.  When the inevitable freedom comes, they go wild and wind up in big messes just like their overindulged counterparts.  Man, this parenthood stuff is hard!  Handle with PRAYER!!!

Helen and Sharon--My Mema and my Mommy!!

Waiting on the Lord...

Helen holding Johnny

Helen and Floyd knew each other six years before they married.  In the meantime, Floyd joined the army.  He was stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii after the Japanese bombing.  Helen was back at home getting ready to fight a war of her own.

Helen met, and later married a man named Charles.  They had a son she named Johnny Wayne.  When later asked why she chose the name, she simply stated that John Wayne was her favorite movie star.  Duh!  Obviously!!  Anyway, Charles and Helen's marriage was not ideal.  Apparently Johnny was the only thing good that came of it, and they were soon divorced.

Meanwhile, Floyd was back from the service, and he and Helen were reunited.  They married and before long, my mother was born.  There was a short period of time when Mom and John were actually raised together, although they were both too young to remember this time of their lives. 

Sharon and Johnny

Floyd loved little Johnny, and he was very protective of his family--Helen, Johnny, Sharon (my mother), and his mother-in-law Versie.  Helen and Charles were in the midst of a bitter custody battle over Johnny, and Charles won.

According to a story told to me, Johnny was playing in Helen's front yard one day and was taken away from her.  She wasn't allowed to see him anymore.  One day, she was standing at Versie's kitchen sink and she heard fire trucks go by the house.  She knew it was something to do with young Johnny--and she was right.  Floyd and Grandpa Railey (Versie's husband) jumped in the car and followed the firetruck.  They found the scene of a wreck between a car and a train.  Little Johnny was the only survivor.  He was thrown from the car and landed in a water-filled ditch nearby.  Helen went to the hospital to see about Johnny, but Charles had re-married and she was told that her presence was confusing to the boy, and was asked not to return.  So, Helen had to make what would be the most difficult decision of her life.  Fight for the son she loved and risk loosing everything, or let him go and make the best life she could with her new husband and baby girl.  She backed away. 

In the car on that fateful day was one of Johnny's relatives by the name of Helen.  He knew that was his mother's name, and he was led to believe that it was she who died in the wreck with the train.  Throughout his life, he believed that his mother was dead.  In reality, he grew up just down the street from his mother.  My mother and Johnny even went to middle school together.  Mom says that one time, she got in trouble at school for telling everyone that he was her brother.  She was confused because she didn't even know the story--it was a cousin that had told the tale.

When Johnny was in his thirties, Helen's sister-in-law, Bonnie, helped to make sure that Johnny knew the truth.  By that time, he was grown, had served in the military, married, and had children of his own.  He says that he remembers meeting her for the first time as an adult.  He hugged her and just sat there resting his head on her breast, weeping.  He felt like he had come home--that a hole in his heart had been filled.  He was very conflicted and torn for a long time.  I guess when you are led to believe a lie for your whole life, you really have to make peace with the truth for yourself.  It wasn't that he'd had a bad life with his dad and step-mom.  It just was missing something... his mother.  He wanted to honor them all, and Helen gave him the space and freedom to work this out in his own heart.

R to L:  Sharon, Helen, Patti, Johnny-- Back: Floyd

I am so proud to say that this picture was taken on Mother's Day, 2011.  It is Mema with her family reunited:  her husband, Floyd, her daughters, Patti and Sharon, and her son, Johnny Wayne.

During Mema's illness, Johnny decided to fully embrace his mother.  He visited her, sat at the hospital with us, and became a part of the family that feels like was always there.  And now that she is gone, he has been such a comfort to us all.  He has filled a void for my daughter, Emily, for sure!  And, in honor of his mother's memory, he has chosen to help in the ministry at the church she and Papa founded over half a century ago.

What a story of reconciliation!  Mema waited for this picture for a LONG time.  (In honor of my Uncle, I won't say how many years, hee-hee.)  There was nothing that Helen could have done to change this situation.  She had to let go and let GOD work it out.  And He did!  God heard her prayers all those years, and said "Wait!  I'll let it happen when you really need it!"  It just lets me know that it is true that God has won the war before we have even fought a battle.

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)