My Favorite Volunteer

Emily watching as Mema helps with a project in our kindergarten class.  

 

 

 

Tomorrow is the first day of school at Chouteau Elementary.  In the depths of the building, in a room off of the fourth grade classroom, sits Mema's sewing machine.  We gave it to one of Mema's favorite teachers who sews with her kids every year.  Mrs. McBurney's kids make quilts and pillows.  When Emily was in her class, Mema volunteered to help with some of the projects.  But she was always my volunteer first.

Before I became the school's librarian, I taught Pre-K and Kindergarten.  When Sarah was old enough to start school, she was in my half-day Pre-K class.  Every day at lunch time, Mema would bring Emily up to the school and we would all eat lunch in the cafeteria together.  This continued the next year when Sarah and I graduated to full-day Kindergarten and Emily started Pre-K.  Mema would come to pick Emily up and we ate with my whole Kindergarten class.

Finally, both girls were in school all day.  Mema was free to come to the school to help out with projects.  Sometimes she would just come up and bring me lunch.  My favorite part of the day, though, was about fifteen minutes before school was out.  While I was reading to my class and wrapping up the day, Mema would show up in the back of my classroom and start wiping down the tables with Clorox wipes and putting the chairs up on the tables.  If we had been really messy, she would even sweep up around the classroom.  It didn't matter that we had a custodian, she just wanted to make sure the tables were clean and the kids stayed healthy.  She did this for almost three years--without fail--until she got sick. 

After that, I cleaned my own tables and put up  my own chairs.  I'm a big girl, I could do it.  The thing that made me sad was that the kids missed out on her loving presence.  My kindergartners loved her, and many of them called her "Mema".  She got to know many of them, and I know she made a difference in their lives.

So, we start school tomorrow in our new building.  She isn't here to volunteer anymore, but her sewing machine will continue her service to the Chouteau community.  Sew on Mrs. McBurney!!!

Missing My Prayer Partner...

Today was my first day back to work after a very hectic summer break.  We have moved our school into a new building, and I'm not sure anyone really got the rest they should have over the summer.  Nevertheless, I was very happy to be with my Chouteau family.  The first thing many of our staff members did this morning was meet for a voluntary prayer meeting.  We met as a group and then went throughout the new building praying for our students and asking the Lord's blessing over our new school and our new year.  But this wasn't the first time I prayed over a school....

I think Mema was really proud of my decision to become a teacher.  Had she been born into my situation, she probably would have been a teacher herself.  She told me that Grandma Versie once taught in a one-room schoolhouse, so maybe the teacher-gene just runs in the family.  When I got a job at Chouteau, it was a double blessing because it is situated in the area of Tulsa many call the "Sand Springs Line", and this is where Mema grew up, raised her own family, and pastored a church.  When Sarah and Emily started school at Chouteau, Mema really became more involved.  I have many stories about things she did and people she touched as she volunteered at that little school.  There were many times when I would be having a rough time with my class that she and I would stand in my classroom praying for peace, wisdom, strength, and yes, even sometimes patience. 

When talk came of closing Chouteau, Mema was one of our main prayer warriors.  And when news came that we would only close the building, and move the program to the Madison Middle School campus, she was so pleased.  At the hospital, when she was really getting bad, I told her I was going home for the night, and would be back the next day.  She told me I needed to go home and get some rest so I could take care of HER school.  As I walked the hallways praying over each classroom, I couldn't help but feel her with me.  I know she would not only be proud of the hard work and determination, but of the faith and unity of the faculty today. 

Thank you, all of my Chouteau friends, for always making my Mema feel like she was an important part of our team.  And thank you even more for being there for me throughout her illness, and through our loss of her.  You make me smile knowing that I get to work with you again as we set off on this new chapter in our lives.  :)

And then came Sharon....

Helen, Floyd, and Baby Sharon

Now it is time to tell off on my own mother a bit.  When she was little, my mom liked to eat dirt.  When Mema took her to the doctor, she told him about little Sharon's affinity for mud pies, and the doctor told Mema she was keeping her daughter too clean.  Can you imagine a doctor telling you that you keep your kid too clean?  Apparently there was mineral or something in the dirt that mom's body was craving, and so she ate the dirt.  The doctor's prescription:  Let her play in the dirt.  It won't hurt her, and she'll be stronger for it in the long run.  

So what lesson could I have possibly learned from this embarrassing little tale?  Don't worry, I have one.  I guess you can imagine that after Johnny was taken from her, Mema was pretty protective of my mother.  She probably already was a "hoverer" before, but loose one child, it will make you very sensitive to anything that may harm your second one.  But always protecting a child from anything "bad" isn't really protecting them at all.  It doesn't teach them to cope in the real world.  Just like keeping all the dirt and germs away from my mother wasn't letting her body build up antibodies to fight infection.  Because she was kept so clean, she was missing some key elements.  

Floyd, Helen, and Sharon

Don't get me wrong, Mema stayed protective.  She just learned to give her children (and grandchildren) room to grow.  She gave us boundaries and let us learn to make our own choices, and yes even mistakes, within those boundaries.  I think this made us stronger.  And it is how I know that we can go on without her now that she's gone.  She empowered us with all of the life lessons we need, and she gave us practice in using them.  That is what a good mother does! 

It was this philosophy that I adopted when it was time to enroll my own daughter in school.  Part of me wanted to find a nice, safe, private Christian school for her.  The other part of me knew that she needed to go to public school.  She needed to learn to function in a diverse world and still be able to make the right choices--what the Bible calls being "in the world, and not of the world."  Now, I will give you that I enrolled her in the school where I was working.  I was even her kindergarten teacher, but that was just one of the boundaries that I set for her.  The older she got, I backed off from watching over her day-to-day life at school.  And now, she is ready to head off to middle school.  I'm pretty sure I'm prepared--I know she is!

As parents, we have to find a balance between protecting our children from pitfalls of life and teaching them to make their own mistakes.  Some people go the other extreme from what Mema tried to do with Mom.  They give their children too much freedom and not enough boundaries.  They think they are doing their children a favor, making them happy by giving them everything they want.  It turns out these kids aren't happy at all, and they often find themselves in messes with no skills to get out.  Similarly, children that are over-protected never learn how to deal with difficulties of life.  When the inevitable freedom comes, they go wild and wind up in big messes just like their overindulged counterparts.  Man, this parenthood stuff is hard!  Handle with PRAYER!!!

Helen and Sharon--My Mema and my Mommy!!

God Uses the Simple Things....

This is truly one of my favorite pictures of my grandparents.  I love looking at them when they were so young and in love.  But I think the main reason that I like this particular picture is that it shows a side of them and a time in their lives that is so very different from the people I have known all of my life.  First of all, look at Mema with her head all wrapped up, hair parted down the middle and back off of her face.  NEVER would you see her like that!  Then, look in Papa's hand.  Is that a *ahem* beer bottle?  And his shirt is un-tucked.  He looks almost "cool."  They look so different here, and the picture absolutely  captivates me.  They are so relaxed, carefree, comfortable with each other and with having their picture made in this way. 

Even though I doubted that this was one of Mema's favorite pictures, I used it in the slideshow at her funeral.  I did crop it so that the beer bottle wasn't in the picture, though.  But this blog is about honestly sharing the truths that I have learned from growing up so close to her.  So..you get the "uncensored" version.  Hey, I am a librarian, I am supposed to stand against censorship!

The truth is that neither one of my grandparents came from influential families.  They didn't have much money. They didn't have even a high school education.  Yet, they have become spiritual leaders and mentors to countless people.  They walked in the Power of the Lord, and shared the gospel message everywhere they went.  How did this couple with the funny hair and the beer bottle become pastors and prayer warriors?  Simple--It was God's plan.  Read this little excerpt from 1 Corinthians:

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called.  Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.  It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written: "Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."  

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (NIV)

 Ok, I know that is WAY more Bible text than I usually include in my blog.  Hope I haven't lost you.  What does it mean?  God doesn't choose the best of the best when he calls people to do His work.  It isn't that He CAN'T use someone from an influential family, or with a lot of education, or with a lot of money.  It's just that when He takes someone from nothingness and makes them into something great, you absolutely know that it was HIM that did it.  (See, Papa, I listened while you preached!)

Mema barely finished the tenth or eleventh grade.  I think she had Johnny when she was 17, and was divorced shortly after.  She worked from the time she was very young, and didn't really have a "childhood."  Her preacher daddy ran off, and she was left to help her mom pick up the pieces.  But, she had a praying momma!

Papa had even less education than Mema did.  His family even lived in a tent for part of his childhood.  But later on, when the Lord called him to preach, he taught himself to read better by listening to the Bible on a record (you know, those CD things made out of vinyl) and following along.  And, let me add, when I had trouble learning long division--it was Papa who helped me.  He became a student of the Word of God.

Together, they founded and pastored Glenwood Full Gospel Church for over 50 years.  The church has never been big, but it has always gotten by.  The Lord has always provided enough cash flow to pay the bills and keep the doors open.  I guess the church is another example of the scriptures I quoted above, because there have been many times when the world would look at our little congregation and think "Why do they even bother?"  But, God bothers.  He bothered with my grandparents.  And there are many people in California, Oklahoma, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Florida, and places I'm not even aware of who can say that they are very glad He did. 

Waiting on the Lord...

Helen holding Johnny

Helen and Floyd knew each other six years before they married.  In the meantime, Floyd joined the army.  He was stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii after the Japanese bombing.  Helen was back at home getting ready to fight a war of her own.

Helen met, and later married a man named Charles.  They had a son she named Johnny Wayne.  When later asked why she chose the name, she simply stated that John Wayne was her favorite movie star.  Duh!  Obviously!!  Anyway, Charles and Helen's marriage was not ideal.  Apparently Johnny was the only thing good that came of it, and they were soon divorced.

Meanwhile, Floyd was back from the service, and he and Helen were reunited.  They married and before long, my mother was born.  There was a short period of time when Mom and John were actually raised together, although they were both too young to remember this time of their lives. 

Sharon and Johnny

Floyd loved little Johnny, and he was very protective of his family--Helen, Johnny, Sharon (my mother), and his mother-in-law Versie.  Helen and Charles were in the midst of a bitter custody battle over Johnny, and Charles won.

According to a story told to me, Johnny was playing in Helen's front yard one day and was taken away from her.  She wasn't allowed to see him anymore.  One day, she was standing at Versie's kitchen sink and she heard fire trucks go by the house.  She knew it was something to do with young Johnny--and she was right.  Floyd and Grandpa Railey (Versie's husband) jumped in the car and followed the firetruck.  They found the scene of a wreck between a car and a train.  Little Johnny was the only survivor.  He was thrown from the car and landed in a water-filled ditch nearby.  Helen went to the hospital to see about Johnny, but Charles had re-married and she was told that her presence was confusing to the boy, and was asked not to return.  So, Helen had to make what would be the most difficult decision of her life.  Fight for the son she loved and risk loosing everything, or let him go and make the best life she could with her new husband and baby girl.  She backed away. 

In the car on that fateful day was one of Johnny's relatives by the name of Helen.  He knew that was his mother's name, and he was led to believe that it was she who died in the wreck with the train.  Throughout his life, he believed that his mother was dead.  In reality, he grew up just down the street from his mother.  My mother and Johnny even went to middle school together.  Mom says that one time, she got in trouble at school for telling everyone that he was her brother.  She was confused because she didn't even know the story--it was a cousin that had told the tale.

When Johnny was in his thirties, Helen's sister-in-law, Bonnie, helped to make sure that Johnny knew the truth.  By that time, he was grown, had served in the military, married, and had children of his own.  He says that he remembers meeting her for the first time as an adult.  He hugged her and just sat there resting his head on her breast, weeping.  He felt like he had come home--that a hole in his heart had been filled.  He was very conflicted and torn for a long time.  I guess when you are led to believe a lie for your whole life, you really have to make peace with the truth for yourself.  It wasn't that he'd had a bad life with his dad and step-mom.  It just was missing something... his mother.  He wanted to honor them all, and Helen gave him the space and freedom to work this out in his own heart.

R to L:  Sharon, Helen, Patti, Johnny-- Back: Floyd

I am so proud to say that this picture was taken on Mother's Day, 2011.  It is Mema with her family reunited:  her husband, Floyd, her daughters, Patti and Sharon, and her son, Johnny Wayne.

During Mema's illness, Johnny decided to fully embrace his mother.  He visited her, sat at the hospital with us, and became a part of the family that feels like was always there.  And now that she is gone, he has been such a comfort to us all.  He has filled a void for my daughter, Emily, for sure!  And, in honor of his mother's memory, he has chosen to help in the ministry at the church she and Papa founded over half a century ago.

What a story of reconciliation!  Mema waited for this picture for a LONG time.  (In honor of my Uncle, I won't say how many years, hee-hee.)  There was nothing that Helen could have done to change this situation.  She had to let go and let GOD work it out.  And He did!  God heard her prayers all those years, and said "Wait!  I'll let it happen when you really need it!"  It just lets me know that it is true that God has won the war before we have even fought a battle.

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV) 

 

Romance at the Crown Drug Store

 Crown Drug Store-- 4th and Main--Downtown Tulsa--Photo Credit: Beryl Ford Collection/Rotary Club of Tulsa, Tulsa City-County Library and Tulsa Historical Society. “Preservation and archiving of this significant Tulsa treasure of photographs and artifacts was made possible through the Tulsa City-County Library and the Tulsa Historical Society, and the generosity of Tulsa World/Lorton Family, Chester Cadieux, the Rotary Club of Tulsa, and many other community-minded corporations, institutions, and individuals.”

Being one of the oldest siblings, young Helen felt a responsibility to help provide for her family.  When she was thirteen years old, she got a job as a soda jerk at the Crown Drug Store at 4th and Main in Downtown Tulsa.  This is where fourteen-year-old Floyd Lang enters our story.  Floyd came into the Crown as a customer, and Helen stole his heart.

Just tonight, I asked Papa to confirm these details, and he got a twinkle in his eye.  I can't imagine what loosing Mema has felt like for him.  They knew each other for sixty-nine years! They raised two daughters, pastored a church, spoiled grandchildren, looked after nieces and nephews, caught fish, played dominoes, cooked amazing food, ran a successful restaurant ...lived a very full life...together...for almost seven decades!

When I was little, I always thought that my Papa could fix anything.  He worked as a carpenter and had a woodshop in his basement.  He would let me go down to the shop with him and I would hammer nails.  I remember hunting around in all of his wood shavings to find discarded nails so that I wouldn't have to waste his good ones.  He would have given me new nails, but I think I really just liked to dig in the sawdust.  It smelled so good in that shop!  I loved to watch him take pieces of lumber and make them into something useful and beautiful.

Before Mema got sick, Papa wasn't doing well.  He had problems with his hip.  He had shortness of breath.  He spent a lot of time lying around the house.  It almost seemed like he had lost his purpose.  He had been a preacher for over fifty years, and when he could no longer speak without going into a coughing fit, I guess it makes sense that he got a little down.  The day we got the diagnosis, Papa cried.  And then he got strong again.

He couldn't fix this, but he took care of her throughout her illness: three surgeries, countless chemo treatments, radiation, and all of the side-effects that go with it!  He cooked for her and made sure she ate.  He cleaned up after her when making sure she ate backfired on him.  He drove himself to the hospital and walked all over St. John's just to visit her. 

Then, one afternoon, just a few months ago, my family and I were in Oklahoma City for the day when my mom called to say that Papa wasn't feeling well.  He was numb on his right side.  I told Mom to get him to the hospital--NOW--even if you have to throw him in the trunk to do it!   Sure enough, he'd had a stroke.  The doctors decided that he needed to have his carotid artery cleaned out, so, the caretaker became the patient.  Mema rallied and helped take care of Papa, and he ended up making a full recovery in record time.  It was a good thing, because Mema was getting ready to take a turn for the worse.

If Papa could fix anything, Mema made everything right.  And things just don't seem quite right anymore.  It amazes me how they complemented each other.  Where he was tough and rough, she was soft and gentle.  And for them to have their ups and downs at opposite times throughout the past couple years has really been a blessing. I guess they completed each other. Now she's gone, and life goes on--a fact that still amazes me!  The doctors have decided that Papa needs to have his other carotid artery cleaned out in a couple weeks.  We'll try to take care of him as good as Mema could.  Please remember him (and us) in your prayers.

Floyd and Helen Lang--Christmas 2010

It's Not What Other People Do To You....

Helen and Versie--and a shadowy photographer. :)

Most of you reading this blog knew my Mema.  (Although there are a few faithful readers who only know her through these stories!)  I would guess there are very few other than family that knew Grandma Versie.  I can tell you that as much as I adored Mema--she felt the same way about her Momma!  As a matter of fact, the only time I ever saw Mema "loose it" was after Granny's funeral in 1996.

I am truly blessed that I had my Great-Grandmother Versie here with me until I was 23.  I feel like I really knew her for myself.  We used to smile and laugh about the little sayings she would have, but I find I'm saying them myself the older I get.  My favorite:  "It's not what other people do to you, it's what you do about it."  That one used to make me smile because you could take it two ways.  One would be the vindictive fun route.  The other one is what she actually meant.  You can't control what other people do, and you aren't responsible for their actions.  The only thing you have to answer for is your reaction.  So true!  And Versie lived this one out to the extreme.

Yesterday, I wrote about all of the Aery siblings.  Big family, right?  Especially by today's standards.  The really amazing thing is that Versie pretty much raised the kids on her own.  Cleo stuck around long enough to father all those beautiful faces, then left Versie while she was pregnant with the youngest, Kenneth.  He ran off to California with his new bride.  These days, folks have pretty much come to expect this sort of thing.  Back then--this was scandalous behavior!  Especially since Cleo was a Free Will Baptist Minister!

Versie and Kenneth--Downtown Tulsa

Chuck, the oldest, was off in the military.  Mema, being the second oldest, quit school and got a job to help Granny with the kids.  I mean, Versie was getting ready to have a baby!  How was she supposed to provide for her family of SIX kids??

Ok, so you may be thinking, "Amy, why in the world are you airing the family's dirty laundry?"  It's simple.  It isn't what Cleo did to Versie, it's what Versie did about it.  She set such an example of grace and forgiveness for the rest of us to follow.  Apparently,  Versie reported Cleo's little indiscretion to the authorities (see newspaper clipping below), and then it was never really discussed again.  Kenneth and Mema both told me that their mother refused to allow anyone to speak ill of their father.  She urged the children to forgive him.

Many years later, when Cleo lay dying, he asked for Versie.  He wouldn't have anything to do with his second wife.  He wanted Versie.  When she got the call, she went to him in California.  I don't know if I could have shown such grace to the man who left me with all those mouths to feed.  But Versie did.  The nurses said that Cleo preached sermons from his bed while he lay dying.  He made peace with God--and with Versie.  Why did she go to him?  Why did she let him "off the hook"?  Because she wasn't responsible for his behavior, but she was responsible for unforgiveness and bitterness she could have held in her heart.

I admit that there have been many times over the years that I have been frustrated with Mema.  It always seemed that people were using her, hurting her, backstabbing her--yet she would forgive them and take them back in like nothing had ever happened.  Looking back, she learned that from Versie.  They took the Lord's Prayer to heart--forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. 

Newspaper Clipping found in an old scrapbook in Mema's "No-no Closet"