Blessed are those who mourn....

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Matthew 5:4 NIV

I have to admit, I've read this verse over and over as part of the Beatitudes, and never really gave it much thought.  Yeah, yeah, the poor are blessed, the meek are blessed, the hungry and thirsty are blessed.  But it sure is kind of hard to see the blessing when you are in the middle of being hungry or mourning the loss of  a loved one.  Where is the blessing in loosing someone who was one of the single most important people in your world?

Mema's been gone almost six months.  Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts.  I see a woman walking through Walmart, and for half a second out of the corner of my eye....  No, not her.  Something wonderful or tragic happens and I pick up the phone to call...  Oh, yeah.  Nevermind.  Where's the blessing?

Then I think about that day in the hospital when we knew it was the end.  I called my friend, Marsha and she hopped out of bed early that Saturday morning and sped to the hospital with a bag of diet sodas and a box of Puffs.  (Really, she sped.  The police officer took pitty on her when he saw her genuine tears.)  Then, there's my friend Molly who showed up early that afternoon with a tray of fruit, some chocolate, another box of tissues, and those little whispy toothbrush things.  There's my friends Jennifer and Kellie who took such good care of my daughter while emotions were running high and I just needed to be "Granddaugher" and save "Mommy" for another day.  The hospital staff.  Our family members.  Our pastors and church family.  They all gathered as we awaited her homegoing.  And I was comforted.  I was blessed. 

In the days and weeks that followed, I kept thinking back on that time in the ICU waiting room, and on all of the cards, flowers, donations to Susan G. Komen, and hugs that followed.  Mema was loved and honored, and I was blessed. 

Friday, in the park down the street from our church, a tragedy happened.  A 9 year-old girl was digging a tunnel in the sand.  It caved in on her and she was found, dead.  My heart is heavy for the family of that little girl.  They didn't have any warning.  They didn't get to say goodbye.  They let their precious child go to the park to play and she never came home.  Right now they are mourning.  I sure hope they will someday look back and feel blessed.  I'm not sure how, but the Bible says they will be.  Blessed doesn't mean you get what you want.  It means you get what you need.  Sometimes we look at being blessed as having more than enough.  But in times like these, we must look to God as our portion--for today.  And tomorrow, we have to look to Him as our portion again--for that day.  Day by day, we get what we need, and we are blessed. 

My mother reminded me today of when Mema used to sit on the bench at school and wait for the girls.  Her group of special children grew and grew.  She would sit there and wait on them to get out of school so she could hug them and ask them about their day.  Momma thinks Mema was up in heaven, sitting on the bench, waiting on Hannah.  And she's hugging her, asking her about her day, and showing her all over heaven.  I like the thought of that.  The Bible says that in Heaven, we will be known as we are known here on earth.  I think the children in Heaven will know that my Mema will be their Mema too. 

When God Answers...

My master's degree diploma arrived in the mail last Friday. 

I decided to go graduate school about the same time that Mema was diagnosed with cancer.  I almost used her illness as an excuse to back out of the whole thing, but she would hear nothing of it.  She wanted me to follow my dreams, and always encouraged me to get all the education I could.  I have to admit, I feel a little guilt over the amount of time I had to spend on school that took away from the time I could have spent with her.  She would get me if she ever heard me admit that, though.  You won't tell, will you?

The only picture I have of Mema at my graduation.  

About a week before my graduation, Mema started feeling bad again.  There was some discussion about whether or not she would even be able to attend.  This upset me, because having her watch me walk across that stage to have that hood draped over my head was one of the only reasons I even decided to go through the ceremony.  I didn't say anything, though, as she and my mother discussed the logistics of getting her there.  I left the room, and when I came back, she called me to the chair where she was sitting.  She told me that when she got sick, she asked the Lord to let her live long enough to see me graduate, and there was no way that she was going to miss it.  So, that was settled.  Arrangements were made to get her there in her wheelchair, and when they hooded me, I was looking right at her.  She had to leave before I could get back to see her, but she was there. 

It was a major ordeal for her to go to my graduation because she was so sick.  As a matter of fact, 18 days later, she had her own "graduation."  But, the Lord had granted her request and she felt she had to do her part to get that answer to prayer.  That is how it is sometimes.  We ask the Lord for something, but there is something we have to do on our side to receive the answer.  If she had stayed home, would that mean that God had let her down?  Nope.

I've been thinking about this in relation to my life right now.  Last spring, I asked the Lord to grant us favor in regard to the school where I work.  I wanted the faculty and students to be able to stay together, whether in our building or in a different one.  He gave us another place to call home.  But, boy, it has been a lot of work to get the place ready.  Everyone that works there, and many of the parents and community members have gone above and beyond the call of duty to make sure our students had a great place to come to school.  We had to do our part.

God isn't like a fairy godmother.  He doesn't wave a magic wand and make things appear for us.  Now, I'm not saying he couldn't, I'm just saying he doesn't work that way.  He moves through people.  He empowers us to be the best we can be.  He helps us to do great things.  So, when you pray for something, and God answers, be sure and listen to what he says!  Be willing to do your part, even when it's hard. 

Here We Go....

So, I've decided to venture off the deep end into the world of blogging.  Now that I've finished graduate school, I guess I still have this compulsion to write.  This should be a bit more fun than the history of cataloging.  Hopefully, the words I write will be a tribute to an amazing woman, and at the same time bring about the healing of my broken heart.

You see, the purpose of this little project is to honor a life well-lived--the life of My Mema, Helen Lang.  To say she was my grandmother doesn't begin to describe the depth of the love between us.  She was my cheerleader, my sounding board, my voice of reason, my teacher, my friend.  And now, she is gone.  She slipped away from us May 28, 2011, after an almost three-year battle against breast cancer.  As we went through the funeral process, I found myself reflecting on the stories she told me, the examples she showed me, and the dreams shared with me.  I would talk of these things with others, and then they would add to what I knew.  We touched on some of these at the funeral.  Afterwards, many in attendance would say "I didn't know this about Helen."  Or, "Your grandmother sure led a full life."  I would shake my head and say "She was amazing." 

So, here we go...I am going to put into writing some of the stories of her life.  I do not endeavor to make this a chronological journey, rather I will just write about whatever experience has wandered its way into my consciousness.  I do not claim that the events will be EXACTLY as they happened, but I will try to stay true to the facts as I remember them.  Much of what I will write about happened long before my birth, so I am relaying the story as it was told to me.  It is my hope that the people who loved Mema will read these things and always remember the legacy she left behind.  For those who didn't know her, or didn't know her well, I hope that this blog will carry forward the example of faith and love that she lived throughout her life.